What part of this do your consider to be funny? Step one: Come across a ridiculous hat at the mall.
Don't even think about such conduct and don't even attempt to use such a story as a defense.
Is it just me, or is he not really having a very nice time? With kids in tow, sometimes crying in the bath, sometimes in a stroller, and sometimes just sitting there, moms have pulled out that phone and struck a pose, to quite an interesting result.
More Hypothetically you should avoid any situation where a 14 year old touches your penis--which I'm confident is quite funny anyway.